To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. ~Thich Nhat Hanh
Over the years I have been on a downward spiral of depression, loneliness and addictions. Within the past two years I have been working towards something I have heard a lot about yet never knew how to achieve it or what the fuck those guru people were talking about. That is correct. I am talking about SELF-LOVE.
Is it real? Yes.
Is it obtainable? Yes.
Is it really a life changer? Yes.
I am not sure when it began, yet I really noticed my low self esteem and neediness for outside attention within my high school career. My addiction to relationships and attention from anyone grew. I was unaware.
Now, a relationship is NEVER the answer to loneliness and especially not to receive attention. Yet, who is around us to tell us that when we are 10 years old. The feelings of emptiness, unhappiness, depression and self-hate took over my body and mind without me even being aware of it.
I have to say, looking at my life as an outsider you would never see or even imagine the inner turmoil I was going through. It is really hard to explain as well if you have never felt this way yourself.
“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I am not saying this goes for everyone, though for myself I would be in a relationship the beginning is euphoric. We are inseparable and looked at as a “power couple.” I was already picking out wedding dresses, homes, and what we were going to be naming our first child.
It never failed a couple months to some years down the road the relationship inevitably began it’s total self destruction. It may have not been the same problem. Yet, it literally felt just like the last break up. These were deeply rooted ingrained patterns.
Most people tend to create a new relationship based not on what they really want, but in what they perceive they are lacking. We look outside of ourselves to become happy. “When I find Someone, I will be happy, satisfied, fulfilled…..Fill in the blank”.
I know a lot of people may be able to relate that when we do find that “special” someone, it is exciting and breathtaking for a few months or years. This is a band aid. Those horrible monsters from our past start to poke their ugly heads from the sewers and from under our beds. Yet, they are not Mike Wazowski and Sulley from Monster, Inc.
We start blaming our partners for our loneliness, depression, self-hate and our unhappiness. We may even start to resent and hate our partner. Our partner may do the same to us.
Our relationships are mirror images of how we feel of ourselves.
This is not what you were looking for!
Let me hit it to you straight. Something I am still battling with everyday. NOTHING outside of ourselves, no relationship, no food, no drug, no alcohol….NOTHING will bring you true happiness, fulfillment or peace of heart.
You are your own hero, your own lover, your own answer to all of your prayers, and your own TRUE LOVE.
So, what the fuck do you do?
I’ve heard it time and time again from every damn self help book out there. “Can’t love anyone unless you love yourself first”. Okay. So, how do I love myself. I think I do.
Well, today is the day to become your one true love! Start to love every aspect of yourself, including the dark ones. Start to appreciate and love YOU. Your personality, your face, your crazy hair, your body, your mind; become your own best friend.
Find out what nourishes your soul, be it a walk in the park, painting, writing, reading, exercising, yoga, singing, etc.
Start to embrace all that you are.
Stop looking to the outside to fill up your love tank. YOU are the treasure you have been looking for. So, stop your searching lovely!
Now to find ways to start your self-love journey. Honestly, I am still on mine and finding new ways that I am okay with. I have tried many that didn’t work for me. Or that I did for a while yet then fell off and slid right back into self-sabotage and hatred towards myself.
Begin by nurturing yourself. If you are like me you enjoy making others happy. You again are going outside of yourself to find “love”. Take time for yourself and tell people “NO”. What do you like to do? Start small and make sure to honor your time.
This is an incredible way to increase trust and love within yourself.
Begin with just 2 minutes of silence. This does not mean you can’t have things floating in your mind. Just breathe.
You can never be lonely when you actually listen, breathe, talk and feel your own spirit. The easiest way to get there is by meditating. Deep soul searching is met by meditating.
Once you find who you truly are and where you want to be is when a relationship will be satisfying. Only when two people have found themselves and are willing to see that they are individual souls that come together for their own journeys, their own thoughts, and their own lessons. Never be afraid that someone will leave you or go away. People have their own free will. A slave cannot be in a loving relationship.
Two free people in a relationship can soar.
If you are in a relationship or not, allow both of you to be free. Let them shine. Let you shine. You are the transformation the world needs to see. Both of you have your own journey to follow and pursue. You must have soul freedom and stop behaviors that are energetically demanding, fearing and draining.
There are people that are placed within our lives for specific reasons. Usually to teach us a new way. They are our angels on our path that brings us awareness to the areas we need to shed love and light on. We also are put into their lives so that we can also shed some light in areas that might be buried deep inside.
If you work on yourself you will begin to notice relationships, situations and life will change drastically around you.
If you currently are not with someone you will attract some one who vibrates at the same level as you are. You will attract better relationships in general as well as situations within your work, family, friends, etc. You cannot change anyone you can only change yourself.
Surround yourself with people, things, and thoughts with high vibration. These will give off light and love which will strengthen and nourish you. These are the connections you have always dreamed of, which are all possible now that you have found YOU!
For more help, take a look at Gabrielle Bernstein‘s titles Spirit Junkie, May Cause Miracles, and Add more -ing to your life. These are the newest self help books I have undergone for 2016 and she is magnificent! I also recommend her Miracle Membership!