I refuse to be subject to your mind games and lies. I will not play a part in your constant drama. You will not manipulate me, nor will you control me.
How do you spot a manipulator?
It started so easily and effortlessly. He was witty, thoughtful, charming, passionate and a professional liar. Yup! Liar! Yet, for some reason I could not walk away. I tried. It took me way to long to realize what the relationship was doing to me. Though when it ended, I felt so pure, free, and myself again.
So, how did this happen and why did I feel so poorly about myself? Here are some easy red flags to know you are dating a master manipulator and you need to get out before you loose yourself and it is too late!
This is probably the most prominent one I noticed once we separated. Not only did I never make plans with friends, which mind you I lost many through the years of being with him, my emotions were affected so greatly by how he showed me affection. I was ecstatic when he was loving and appreciative towards me. Yet, when he ignored me, treated me poorly and blamed me for making him feel bad I felt the worst I have ever felt in my life. I was nervous, anxious, and downright depressed!
My friends were annoyed. Clearly this one is linked to the previous. I cannot blame anyone for being so annoyed. I had friends and family telling me…begging me to leave him. Looking at the situation from where I am now, who wouldn’t be pissed off at a friend constantly complaining about the same problems over and over with their disrespectful significant other? No one understood why I was still “wasting my time” with him and honestly I didn’t know why either.
All I kept saying was, “I love him!”
He was more emotional than I was. I swear he had a menstrual cycle and PMS worse than a teenage girl going through puberty! Granted there were times he showered me with love. That is when he was in a good mood or wanted something. If he was in a horrible mood, no matter what the reason, I suffered. Usually, he made it my fault somehow.
Efforts were one sided. Based off of the last number, when he was upset I tried so hard to make him happy. I was always putting forth effort to better our relationship. Who wants to be the only one emitting love? Texts? Plans? He would give only when he felt like it or noticed I was starting to fall out of interest in him.
Unwilling to compromise. Never was it halfway. It was always his way or the highway. I heard his thoughts, wants and needs. Was any of that reciprocated? Answer was… at times, when it was beneficial to him!
Living in fear created self esteem. The emotional abuse I endured was tremendous. We had our highs and lows. His feelings for me changed randomly. One day he would tell me he loved me the next he would be talking to others. I feared everyday that he would break up with me. Looking back, I wish I would have done the honors.
Great sense of speech. As I mentioned before, if I was starting to come to my senses, he knew exactly what to say and when. Every word out of his mouth was meticulous, yet usually a lie. He created some of my weaknesses, knew how to target them and use everything against me.
He didn’t “change” until I left. The second I finally called it quits in my heart, he changed his ways (or so he claims). The first time we separated and he finally realized I was done, he flooded me with affection, like I stated he always came back when I was falling away. Unfortunately, he was already with someone else at this time.
Stories that have captured my heart
The damage has been done and there’s no going back!
Despite the feelings, emotions and torment I went through for years, this was a blessing in disguise. Why you ask? Well, once I fully separated and cleansed myself of all this I met someone so incredible! Someone who supports me, loves me unconditionally(which sadly is really hard for me to accept from how I was treated), and tells me how beautiful I am daily. Isn’t this what all of us are looking for? So, when people told me there are many fish in the sea or that there were great guys who will love and treat me with the respect I deserve, they were correct!
I FOUND HIM! WE FOUND EACH OTHER:)
The first day we met we instantly fell in love! A couple months later, as I was driving to grab us some food, I realized mid drive that I was driving all by myself. Now this sounds funny to say. It sounds funny to read! If anyone knew me and my past relationship they would know that I didn’t feel comfortable leaving to get gas or even to go to work! I was fearful that he would be talking to someone else like I caught him numerous times before. That fear is something from the past!
I have someone who loves, respects and adores me! Who allows me to do those things I love and they help me which betters us!!! But that is for another post:)
I know this is a difficult topic and many women struggle with this. The amount of times I had thought about leaving to better myself, I couldn’t. Don’t beat yourself up. Do not ever lower your self love. Yet, as many told me before “You will not change unless you are ready.” Be kind to yourself and make sure you have positive support. Even if it is with a professional.
Hypnotherapy is a great way to gain more self love and confidence to aid in these situations! Head here for more information! Click Here!
Make sure to comment below. Hearing other’s situations or hearing our own stories as we write it can help us release or clarify what we are dealing with.